She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
