I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
