so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
