once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
