someone threw a dead crab at me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
