the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
