2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have demons in me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
