I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
handjob tips. give me some.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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