I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize