yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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