piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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