I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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