you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
