There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
