shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
