Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
40s are totally the cure
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
