At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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