just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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