Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
