You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
