Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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