yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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