If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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