That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
