A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
