I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
