i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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