Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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