i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
