I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
