It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
