sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
what the fuck happened to the tacos
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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