woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
pray to the hookup gods
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
