I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
