He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
