My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
