Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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