I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
