I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
