Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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