I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
