He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
