Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I look better un-naked...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
