I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
