Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
