Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
