dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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