He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
