I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
