Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
