i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just gargled with NyQuil
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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