Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
