So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We talked him into tasing himself.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
