so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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