i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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