Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
