So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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