Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize