Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
