The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
