He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
