i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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