I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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