physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
