ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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